A DROLL FROM JOHN FLETCHER’S MONSIEUR THOMAS.
THE SUITOR:
Courtly I won’t court thee—
nay instead I’ll woo ye madly;
I’ll start with petticoats and wig
to fright thee if ye give a fig;
I’ll serenade ye by moonshine
with out o’ tune songs asinine;
I’ll bring no flowers that I’ve picked
but rather padlocks I’ve out-tricked;
thou may’st clasp unto thine mams
love notes boasting my coarse flimflams;
I’ll recite to ye exquisite rhymes
authored backwards, extolling crimes;
I’ll give to thee, to prove my worth,
eructations of noble mirth.
THE SWEETHEART:
Thou will court me with cavorts
and I shall wag ye mad retorts;
beckon ye drunk to my window,
prepare thyself for quid pro quo;
towards my boudoir I’ll invoke
then touze thee with a scurvy joke;
upon thy pate I’ll break a plate
to show thee how I approbate;
and when ye beg for clemency
I’ll duplify thine knavery;
prepare for cudgels and typhoons
and siring heirs of worse buffoons;
if ye thought to outwit love
I’ll mate thy madness, shove for shove.
Text, narration & production © 2015-2021 C. Kurtz.
Music: John Dowland, “Mrs. Winter's Jump.”
Originally published by Dalhousie Review 2016.