It’s
that very special time of year —
the one
all the retailers fear;
forget
the debit and the charge
with pilfering
that’s done at large;
some
people use a Visa card
but
swiping merchandise ain’t hard;
there’s cameras in ev’ry nook
but who has got the time to look.
There’s dressing rooms where stuff got took —
read Abbie Hoffman’s Steal This Book;
there’s Christmas crowds and screaming kids
plus deviants unscrewing lids;
now here’s
a tip to make you smile —
just
eat it while you’re in the aisle;
they mark it all up anyway
so don’t forget Steal Something Day;
the cashier and the clerk don’t care
so
stuff it in your underwear.
If Santa Claus was here he would
aver that ripping off stuff’s good;
so Ho Ho Ho, capitalists —
the gang all brought their Christmas lists;
we got challenges to surmount
to earn a Five Finger Discount;
so Deck the Halls and praise the Lord
for getting things we can’t afford.
This is a special time of year,
the one all shoplifters revere;
and packages from Amazon —
as soon as they’re dropped off, they’re gone!
© 2024 C. Kurtz.